How To Get A Child To Stop Lying

How Do I Get My Child to Stop Lying?

By Danny Huerta, PsyD, MSW, LCSW, LSSW
September 27, 2021

Girl covering mouth with her hand to stop lying

These five tips can help you create a culture of honesty in your home.

Countless lies circulate around us every day. Social media, news outlets, politicians – it seems like everyone is lying. And many people are. Most people lie at least one to three times every ten minutes when meeting others for the first time. Nine out of ten middle schoolers say they cheat on their homework. One survey of 70,000 high school students indicated that 95 percent had cheated academically in some way. Dishonesty is a prevalent lifestyle choice. How do westop our children from lying and teach them honesty in a world saturated with deceitfulness?

Why Do Kids Lie? And Why Don't they Stop Lying?

First, it's helpful to know why kids lie.

Avoidance is one reason. Many children lie to avoid negatives – pain, embarrassment, conflict, or punishment. They may lie to avoid hurting other people's feelings.
Then there isdeception, untruths told by kids to fit in, look like one of the "cool kids," to be loved, or gain admiration.
Some lies are told out ofplayfulness – the "just kidding" sort of fib. April Fools' Day gags might fall into this category. (Fortunately, kids can learn to discern playful lying that doesn't harm others from selfish, avoiding, or deceptive dishonesty.)

Our conscience helps us to know when something is right or wrong. By telling repeated "white lies," the brain becomes desensitized and overrides the conscience. The more frequently a child tells lies, however small, the higher the likelihood of telling more elaborate lies in the future.

What The Bible Says About Lying

The Bible has a lot to say about lying and warns us about its destructiveness. Here are a few verses that describe God's perspective on lying:

Exodus 20:16 (The Ten Commandments): "You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor."

Leviticus 19:11: "You shall not steal; you shall not deal falsely; you shall not lie to one another."

Proverbs 21:6: "The getting of treasures by a lying tongue is a fleeting vapor and a snare of death."

John 8:32: "You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

These verses only scratch the surface of the Bible's emphasis on telling the truth and avoiding lies. Knowing the importance of telling the truth, how can we get our kids to stop lying and focus on the truth?

Navigate family life with grace and love!

Daniel P. Huerta, Focus on the Family's Vice President of Parenting, presents a collection of seven powerful character traits designed to help parents grow and thrive while raising Godly children.

5 Ways You Can Get Your Child to Stop Lying

Here's the good news: Every day presents new opportunities for moms and dads to promote honesty and help children successfully navigate their social and emotional worlds. Here are five practical ways parents can foster truthfulness.

1. Model Honesty and Integrity.

If you lie, your kids are likely to do the same. Show them you're willing to tell the truth even if it comes at a cost. If you have told a lie, have the courage to apologize and infuse the moment with the truth rather than letting the lie linger. You have the opportunity to model what it looks like to show respect to others in this way.

2. Teach Self-Control From the Perspective of a Contributor, Not a Consumer.

Self-control is a predictor of later success for kids. Enabled by self-control, your kids can contribute to others' lives in positive ways. Contributors value relationships over personal comfort and the demands of their own emotions. Consumers, on the other hand, look out for themselves. Help kids see that life is more about learning to control ourselves and our own emotions to genuinely love others rather than seeking personal happiness at any cost.

3. Encourage Courage.

Help kids see honesty as courageous. Point out the strength of truth-telling and how important it is for relationships and personal growth, even when it is a challenge to do so.

4. Value Empathy.

Kids need to learn the possible impact of lies on other people. Help them expand their world beyond their own emotions to think about what others may be feeling. Kids can actively learn empathy by the age of two.

5. Seek, Notice, and Celebrate Honesty (Especially Courageous Honesty).

Consider watching a movie or reading a book that provides examples of honesty. The more kids are exposed to the goodness of honesty, the more likely they are to mirror honest behavior and decision-making. Take time to celebrate in creative ways (i.e., you and your family enjoy a sweet treat together when someone chooses truth over a lie in a courageous way).

One of the best ways to stop a child from lying is to create a culture of honesty in your home. Use your creativity and imagination as you intentionally correct, guide, and model the importance of truth-telling. For instance, in Ephesians 6, Paul describes how we should daily put on the full armor of God. One of the critical pieces in the armor of God is the Belt of Truth. As your family gets dressed in the morning, have your kids imagine putting on the Belt of Truth as part of their wardrobe.

Honesty and integrity help create a culture of trust, allowing us to experience secure, lasting, and dependable love.

Modeling How to Stop Lying

As you teach honesty in your child's life, you get to practice and strengthen the 7 Traits of Effective Parenting in your life. Through your actions and words, you can get your child to stop lying through:

Practice adaptability as you respond to your child's dishonesty, imperfect moments, and your child's emotional and thought world.
Practice respect by modeling what it means to live and honest life. You get to teach how honesty is about seeing the value of the other person.
Next, practice intentionality as you dive into intentional teaching moments and conversations with your child as you intentionally build honesty as part of the culture of your home.
Practice steadfast love as you love your child through a lens of understanding and compassion through their moments of dishonesty.
Practice boundaries and limits as you teach and guide your child toward a life of loving honesty. This will require energy, awareness, involvement, and consistency.
Then, practice grace and forgiveness frequently as you help your child's human nature to lie to be shaped by God's spirit of love and honesty.
Practice gratitude for moments of honesty and growth toward a culture of honesty in your home.

For more practical tips, visit www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting.

Scripture quotations are from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. May not copy or download more than 500 consecutive verses of the ESV Bible or more than one half of any book of the ESV Bible.

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Topics: Children, Intentional Parenting, Lying

About the Author

Danny Huerta, Vice President of the Parenting and Youth at Focus on the Family

Danny Huerta, PsyD, MSW, LCSW, LSSW

Dr. Daniel Huerta is Vice President of Parenting and Youth for Focus on the Family, overseeing the ministry's initiatives that equip moms and dads with biblical principles and counsel for raising healthy, resilient children rooted in a thriving faith.

He is a psychologist, a licensed clinical social worker, and the author of 7 Traits of Effective Parenting. For many years, he has provided families with practical, biblically-based and research-based parenting advice on topics including media discernment, discipline, communication, mental health issues, conflict resolution, and healthy sexuality in the home. He is passionate about coming alongside parents as they raise contributors, instead of consumers, in a culture desperately in need of God's kingdom.

Dr. Huerta has been interviewed by various media outlets including Fox News, Fatherly, Christianity Today, WORLD Magazine, and CBN, and he is a frequent guest on Christian radio stations across the nation. He's also written for publications, including The Washington Post, on various topics related to marriage and parenting. He participated in the development of Focus on the Family's Launch Into the Teen Years, a resource to help parents prepare their kids for adolescence, and he speaks regularly at retreats, conventions, and online events.

Dr. Huerta has maintained a private practice in Colorado Springs, Colorado since 2003 and has served families through Focus on the Family since 2004. He and his wife, Heather, have been married since 1997 and love being parents to their three teen children, Alex, Lexi, and Maci.